You care about your relationship and want to make things work. Even the best relationships need care and attention. But, sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a cycle of conflict or disconnection with our partner that we can’t seem to find a way out of.
We try and try to fix things with our partner and yet we keep finding ourselves stuck and this can be so painful and frustrating for us (and the people we love)!
It is so hard when we want to be closer to our partner but none of our efforts seem to be working. And it can be even harder when it feels like our partner has stopped trying to make things better. Sometimes this goes on for so long that we don’t know if our relationship will ever get better, and we may wonder if its even worth saving. We may start losing hope and becoming discouraged.
As an experienced marriage counselor I have worked with hundreds of such well-intentioned couples who simply get stuck and are looking for help. I know what you are going through and I know how to help. Couples counseling is effective for even the most challenging relationships.
What is Emotion Focused Therapy?
EFT is a well-known humanistic approach developed in tandem with the science of adult attachment, a profound developmental theory of personality and intimate relationships. This science has expanded understanding of individual dysfunction and health as well as the nature of love relationships and family bonds. Attachment views human beings as innately relational, social and wired for intimate bonding with others. The EFT model prioritizes emotion and emotional regulation as the key organizing agents in individual experience and key relationship interactions.
How can EFT help?
EFT therapy can help to rebuild mutual trust and create a closer bond with your partner. With the guidance of a couple’s therapist, there are three stages of emotionally focused therapy you can employ.
1. The first step is to work on identifying key concerns and how negative interaction patterns escalate into conflict. Your therapist works with you both to identify any hidden fears and emotions that are impairing your connection and helps you re-frame them.
2. Guided by your therapist, you and your partner work to change your patterns of interaction. As a couple, you work on expressing yourself as well as accepting each other’s emotions and needs. Also, you both receive coaching from the therapist, couples “homework”, and guidance regarding discussion of topics that trigger conflict in the relationship.
3. During the third stage of EFT, your therapist shares tools on how to better communicate with one another. Again, you’ll practice these skills outside of the therapy session to gain more experience using them, noticing and sharing in future sessions their effect on the health of your relationship.
Whatever problems you are facing, whichever areas you want to grow in, couples counseling can help you find solutions and achieve happiness together.
Research shows that one of the biggest mistake a couple can make it waiting too long before seeking counseling. Don’t wait anymore – it’s not too late! I can help you become each other’s dream partner again, just like the many, many newly happy-again couples I help every year.
It is amazing how many couples think their relationship is too lost to be saved, only to discover that after couples therapy they are happier and closer in their marriage than they have ever been before.
Worried your relationship is too stuck to be saved? Don’t think your spouse or partner is willing to give it a try? Afraid you won’t find the right marriage counselor who is expert enough to help? Tried relationship counseling in the past and it wasn’t as helpful as you hoped? Or maybe you have a partner who is so closed off that you fear couples therapy won’t be helpful?
I get these questions all the time. In fact, these are exactly the kinds of relationship I help save every year. Couples counseling really is for all kinds of situations – even when a relationship feels hopeless to save. I have seen it all and I know how to help. Whatever you are dealing with today, I’d like to help you work through it so you can have a more peaceful, loving relationship.